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Thursday, January 20, 2005

A couple of weeks ago Lisa and I were watching an American edition of Wife Swap (for research purposes only. It's not as if we spend our lives watching cheap reality shows), and the husband of one of the couples featured decided to write his absent wife a love poem. It began "Roses are red, violets are blue...", after which it failed to rhyme, scan, or (to the best of our knowledge) mean anything. I've read more poetic shopping lists.

But it did cause Lisa to turn to me and suggest (demand) that I write her a love poem. I think the basis for her reasoning was essentially that "it might be a bit of a laugh". For her.

In addition to that, I've spent the last eight months enjoying the Brighton Argus' 'Poetry Corner' section, which regularly features some of the most appalling verse ever committed to paper. Lisa, who knows that if I put my mind to it, I'm more than capable of coming up with some appalling poetry, has long been suggesting that I submit a few lines, to test the theory that they'll publish any old rubbish.

So today I killed two birds with one stone (not literally - Lisa's the sparrow slayer in this relationship). I spent the afternoon composing a delicate and beautiful love poem in five stanzas, and having satisfied myself that I'd succeeded in conveying the true nature of my deepest emotions about Lisa in 20 lines (about one and a half sonnets) of tender verse, I e-mailed it to the Brighton Argus.

Obviously it would have been better if I'd composed it under an oak tree on the edge of a cornfield, but I didn't like the look of the weather, so I stayed in and watched '60 Minute Makeover' instead. But the result, I feel, is among the finest poetry I've ever written. Though admittedly I don't write poetry. It all rhymes though.

I'm off now to the south coast for four days to await the (inevitable) publication of my masterpiece.