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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Julie Reinger BikiniIt's Julie Reinger in a bikini! I've cropped the photo because she's naked from the waist down, and you do not want to know what she's doing with her left hand.

Anyhoo, I'd just like to say that it may now be a year since I left Suffolk, but that does not mean I need to be reminded of the place with photos of the Look East weathergirl. Admittedly she's far less annoying when you can't hear her speak, but even so, that's no excuse. So I'm hereby imposing a cease and desist order on anyone within a hundred miles of Norwich. Stop sending me photos, or I'll hit you with an ASBO.

And talking of antisocial behaviour, the partying Poles in flat 1 were at it again last night. This time they seemed to have foregone the loud music in favour of inviting a woman round who they then shouted at until about three in the morning. This was combined with an attempt to see who could swear the loudest in a foreign language, break the most glass, and slam the door at more than 90mph.

Bearing in mind that my flat is not directly above theirs, my bedroom is the furthest point from them, the windows were closed, I was wearing earplugs, and they still managed to keep me awake, I think it's safe to say they were noisy. I preferred the mental bloke who was evicted from flat 3 a couple of months ago. At least there was only one of him.

Anyhoo, going back to yesterday's phat urban crunk, I suspect that when the Brighton Hip-Hop Festival organisers referred to that anagram as "an incredibly difficult puzzle", they were being ironic. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't solve it. I've asked around town for an Ear Drink at the Ark Diner and looked for a Kind Rear at the Dare Rink, but no one knows what the heck I'm talking about. Even Lisa, who's lived in the Brighton ghetto all her life, can't work it out. These are DarkDaze for puzzle-solvers.

But on the bright side, less than 24 hours after writing The Kemptown Rag's response to their slating by The Argus (which was rushed down to the printers yesterday afternoon and slipped in when no one was looking), I'm pleased to announce that I've been taken on (in a sadly unpaid capacity) by... um... The Argus. I'm sure it's not a conflict of interest. I'll just claim I have a split personality.

I'm now writing a blog for The Argus, covering free local events. Although with hindsight I should have asked to do the costly ones, and claimed back my expenses. This was something which should have happened a week ago, but having submitted my first post on June 25th, I found out this Monday that they'd never received it. Personally I blame Dave. He was sitting three feet away on my sofa when I clicked 'send', so I expect his magnetic personality screwed up my computer.