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Monday, May 04, 2009

Remember my parent's attic, where I trod the boards last October, soaked up the (slightly damp) atmosphere, and started making plans for a loft conversion? Well it's been condemned as a major health hazard...

Loft Conversion
And I thought it was only the ladder that was dangerous. As it turns out, you couldn't fit asylum seekers in there after all. The place is too full of woodworm.

From Genesis to RevelationBut I like the way they've modelled the warning sign on a picture of Phil Collins. Although it's less like a man from Genesis and more like a plague from Exodus. And on the bright side, my Dad's done a good job of repairing the spot where he put his foot through the living room ceiling. Thank God he doesn't have a wooden leg.

But before visiting my worm-infested parents yesterday afternoon, I spent Saturday night walking around the local park with a load of drunks. It was actually a Brighton Festival event entitled 'Fire, Smoke and Mirrors', although the words which attracted me were just underneath the title, and read 'free entry'. Here's how it was described in the brochure...

"The park opens under the cover of darkness and your journey unfolds in a twilight meander across an enchanting landscape of fire and water, light and shadow. Light floods dark places. Sound finds secret spaces. Mirrors distort and reflect. Floating flames defy physical laws as water burns bright. For the architects and artisans of this intimate outdoor installation the process is the performance. As they forge their work - molten glass blown into strange forms; sheet metal cut into flaming trees and towers - Queen's Park becomes a living, shimmering artwork itself."

You're Fired
I got there at 9:30pm to find the place packed full of people wandering around in the dark, drinking cans of beer and bottles of vodka, and trying not to fall into the duck pond. It was like Glastonbury, but with more drugs. Frankly the only sound finding secret spaces was the noise of people throwing up in the bushes. I'd have left sooner, but it was too dark to find the exit.