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Thursday, June 16, 2011

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Phil, you haven't moaned about your foot for more than a week now. Are you cured?"

Yeah, cured of my optimism. It's almost a fortnight now since I was stabbed in the back (of my foot) by a man I once trusted, and the only discernable difference is that I'm a little more depressed than I used to be. The plantar fasciitis has planted itself firmly in my heel, and fascistically refused to budge. I've had moments in the past week when I've convinced myself it was improving, such as Saturday, when I spent all afternoon on my feet, only to find that instead of the unbearable agony I was expecting, I experienced nothing more than extreme pain. But other than that, it's no better.

I'm due to go back to the podiatrist on July 13th. Possibly in a wheelchair. In the meantime, I'm working towards a place in next year's Paralympic team.

But one area where I'm feeling slightly more positive is the golden age of parenthood. After a great deal of consideration, and a small amount of begging, borrowing and stealing (mostly from Amelie's trust fund), Lisa and I have splashed out five hundred quid on a DuoFertility monitor. We did it mainly for the Boots Advantage Card points, but if it gets us a baby, that's a bonus.

Lisa's been wearing it since Monday, meaning that it's already taken her temperature about 80,000 times, so with great excitement, we downloaded all the data from the sensor to the monitor last night, and plugged it into the laptop for a bit of fertile analysis. Our great excitement was duly matched by overwhelming disappointment when it basically just gave us a dull graph that looked like a Dignitas patient's heart monitor.

Having consulted the instructions, it appears that Lisa has to be monitored for a whole cycle (or in her case a tricycle with stabilisers) before it starts making any exciting predictions. Clearly July 13th is going to be a big day.


Dave said...

I tried to leave a comment yesterday - twice.  If this fails, that's it.

Speaking as the father of twins, getting the whole process over in one go is best.

jon the bassist said...

like Dave I tried to get my voice heard yesterday, but you surpressed me like some middle eastern dictator.

Anyway, I think you may be being bamboozled by the latest NHS reforms into thinking that investing in Boots will help your foot.

Z said...

I remember reading that David Bowie's wife, anxious to conceive, decided to try cuddling friends' babies, on the theory that it might raise her hormone levels, and became pregnant within a few months.  She couldn't prove it, of course, but was convinced that it had helped.  Could be worth a try - if you have friends with small babies, of course.