I've spent the past twenty-four hours helping Big Sis to rewrite a document that makes Tony Blair's 'A Journey' look like a short stroll. I'm now about as grey as he was when he left office. Or I would be if I had hair. But despite tackling some tough intellectual puzzles for Sis (namely, should 'Chartered Mathematician' be capitalised?), I've also found time to answer some pretty taxing questions at home...


Not that I'm the only one educating others for free. Before we'd even had breakfast this morning, Amelie was teaching me the finer points of cat care...


I should point out that 'The Lady Game' isn't strip poker, internet porn or swinging, it's actually Amelie's name for Syberia. I let her play it a few times a week in an attempt to teach her about the olden days before iPads were invented, when we had to make our own entertainment using nothing but Windows 98.

The first few times she called it 'The Lady Game', I repeated the words back to her in a suggestive 'Carry On'-type voice for my own amusement, with the unfortunate result that if she now asks to play it, and I don't do the voice, she gets all uppity and says "DO THE VOICE!" in an aggressive manner.

Anyhoo, the game's far more wholesome than she makes it sound, so there's no need to call the NSPCC. You can stick to the RSPCA.