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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

It's marvellous the things you discover when you're heading towards Argos in search of carpet sweepers. A couple of years ago I noticed that Tesco do 'Value' pregnancy testing kits, something I found endlessly amusing. After all, why pay full price for something like that - it's not a matter of life and death. Well actually it is. But anyway...

As it turns out, Value pregnancy tests for a fiver are now entirely unnecessary. Situated a few doors down from the Brighton branch of Argos is that purveyor of quality goods, Poundland...

I don't really need to finish this story, do I.

Well anyway, it's true - Poundland are selling pregnancy testing kits for... oh yes, a pound. It made me laugh so much I had to buy one. I've given it to Lisa as an early anniversary present. So if we ever announce a happy event here, you'll know it's based entirely on the evidence of a cheap dipstick. And the one pound kit he bought at Poundland. So frankly I'd hold back on the champagne til we've been to Tescos for a second opinion.

Anyhoo, while I was out buying medical supplies at the pound shop, Lisa's VCR was successfully recording King Nick's triumphant appearance on Richard & Judy. They'd obviously decided against giving over the whole show to him, and instead managed to condense a day of his life into two and a half minutes. A minute less than they dedicate to 'You Say, We Pay'.

But it's quality that counts, not quantity, and it was a fine piece of film. I particularly enjoyed the moment where Nick met the lovely David and Janet outside Felbrigg Hall, announced "I'm King Nicholas the First", and received the enthusiastic reply "Oh right, yeah..." You could see them mentally dialling social services as they shook his hand. It's a look I've come to recognise.

Other highlights included the lack of an apostrophe at Roy Boys truckstop, the bored soundman ruining the suit-fitting scene by wandering in front of the mirror at Beryl's house, and the Copeman flag, which had clearly been cut from an outdoor chess board.

I must say I was impressed by the idyllic setting of Roy's burger bar though. I'd always pictured it as an oasis of concrete, but I was pleasantly surprised by the number of trees. It saves having to install men's toilets.

So ten out of ten to Channel 4. With royal coverage like that, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Attenborough and Dench are no longer the only Sir Richard and Dame Judy in the country.