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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Ok, this is starting to get ridiculous now. I came downstairs this morning to find that the wholemeal bagel I'd left wrapped in a plastic bag in the kitchen, ready for my lunch today, was now lying on the floor at the far end of the living room, bag ripped to shreds, and with lumps eaten out of the bagel. Cat-sized lumps. Which uncannily matched the dental features of Timmy.

But on the bright side, he'd successfully used the litter tray. We were also able to express our displeasure to Lorraine last night, when she rang from Antigua to see how her little darlings (Oscar & Timmy, not Phil & Lisa) are doing. Lisa dispensed with such idle pleasantries as 'hello' or 'how are you', and opened the conversation with the words "Timmy is a very naughty cat". Lorraine responded by asking us to keep him off the kitchen worktops. Ironic advice, seeing as he was on the dishwasher at the time, trampling our bananas en route to the rich tea fingers.

But hey, only another nine days to go.

Yesterday evening Lisa and I relived our combined youths by going to Wimpy (I didn't know they were still in business) for a Brown Derby. After which we dropped in on her aunt and uncle. I've now bonded with Lisa's aunt to such an extent that she told me she considers me to be one of the family (but hopefully not in a Mafia way), and asked when I'm moving down. She also said that Lisa was a very attractive child, though she failed to provide any photographic evidence to back up such an outlandish claim.

But we spent an enjoyable hour chatting about opera, jazz and Eastenders, then I ate a cream cake and made them sit through our holiday photos, before stealing their electric screwdriver and leaving.

This morning I've been back to Lisa's flat to take delivery of a new bed. (No jokes about us wearing out the old one - thanks). Having chatted to the man from Argos about the state of parking in Brighton, I made my way into town via the Kemptown charity shops and met Lisa for lunch, after which I was approached by a youth who asked if I could spare 50p. I lied through my teeth and told him I didn't have any change, whereupon he said "well if I give you nine pounds, can you give me a ten pound note?"

What??? Are Brighton's beggars now carrying a float so they can give out change to people like me??? And more to the point, if you've got nine quid, why do you need to beg? You should be putting it on a horse.

So I told him he had more money than me, and walked off.

Having been reunited with my car, I then drove towards the seafront, only to find myself directly behind Chris Eubank's Hummer (registration number 1 KO) at the traffic lights! Could my life be any more exciting??! (Don't answer that). I attempted to make eye contact with Chris via his rear view mirror, then we made our way down to the pier, wished each other well, and went our separate ways. Well, I wished him well. He just turned left really.