Flipping heck, dash it, and crumbs - I think I'm becoming a potty mouth. Having shocked my mother with the language in my first two plays, I successfully managed to make it all the way through the last without resorting to a single swear word in 30,000 attempts. Which is why I've happily agreed to a request from Lisa's elderly Aunt Phyllis for a signed copy. Well ok, she didn't actually ask for it to be signed, but I'm sure she would've done if she'd thought of it. Either way, that's what she's getting. And possibly a photo too. I just hope the word 'breasts' on page one won't put her off. But I digress...

8,000 words into my current bit of nonsense however, and it's all gone horribly wrong. Having avoided the language of the gutter thus far, I've suddenly started swearing like a trooper, and added not one, but two cases of the 'f' word this afternoon, and one of the 'p'. And I don't mean 'fudge' and 'Phil'.

But in my defence, I'd just like to say that they're all germane to the plot, and fully justified in the context of the drama. No, I flipping well mean it. And you can all buzz off and get lost if you don't believe me.