It's exactly two weeks til my birthday (put that date in your diary now, I insist), so if you're stuck for gift ideas, I've decided I'd like an eglu. Yes, that's right, an eglu. Try to show a bit of enthusiasm here, will you. Thanks.

This is an eglu...



Yes, I know, it looks like a cross between a cat basket and an iMac, but it is in fact a chicken house for the 21st century, enabling people like me who live in the middle of busy cities in remote Suffolk villages, to keep chickens in our back gardens. Not that I have a back garden, but I do have a spare room. And I used to like 'The Good Life' on TV. Not to mention Big Brother.

And what's more, the eglu comes with two hens thrown in, providing you with enough guaranteed laying power to produce a dozen eggs a week.

Which is too many. So naturally I'll eat one of the chickens.

And all this for just £365. With Asda charging me £1.30 for a dozen free range eggs, the eglu will pay for itself in just... um... five and a half years. Hang on, that doesn't sound so good now. How long do chickens live anyway?

Well whatever, I've decided I'd like one. So click on the pic and get ordering. I'll send you a thank you letter, I promise.

Right, I'm off to Brighton. Back tomorrow. Be good y'all.

(I apologise for my shameless use of the word "y'all". I assure you it won't happen again).