I'm not one to generalise, but why is it that all celebrities, without exception, are completely and utterly barking? (And why is it that I can't use the word 'utterly' without thinking of Timmy Mallett?). (Who also proves my point about celebrities being barking). (If you can call him a celebrity). (But I digress)...

I'm constantly two weeks behind with the news, so I've only just found myself perusing this interview with Naomi Campbell in The Guardian.

Not that my hopes were high of any intellectual insights from Ms Campbell, but even taking into account my low expectations, this took the biscuit. She was talking about a humanitarian visit she made to a Romanian orphanage, when she recounted this touching tale:

"There was this one little cute boy called Yanus and I've never forgotten his name and he was, like, so weak but he got out of bed and I said, 'What do you want?' and he said, 'I just want Lego.' And by the time I sent the Lego he was dead. It was so sad. And it's a small world because I knew his dentist."

I've been trying to write comedy like that for years. I wish I'd bought her novel 'Swan' now.

But that's not all. In the same week, we had an interview with the actor Christopher Walken in The Observer (no really, I do read The Observer) (well ok, I don't, but I happened to read this), in which he stated:

"I don't buy tomatoes with the stems on them. They don't degrade. They go down the sink and into the water. Then they get lodged in the throats of little otters."

Now, I like otters as much as the next man, but tomato stems? Really? You see, this is why I'm not famous - I'm far too sane. (Don't argue with me on this one).

Incidentally, this is officially my 300th blog post. A momentous milestone which proves that some people just have too much time on their hands.