I realise there's nothing more dull than other people's dreams, but I just have to mention that I'm now so obsessed with the vast amounts of money I have riding on the future Pope, that I dreamt last night that I went to Rome for the announcement of the result. Only to find that the official declaration was being made by Bill Oddie.

Explain that one.

But before you ask, the man Bill Oddie cheerfully announced as the next Pope was Claudio Hummes of Brazil. Possibly because I read a list of the contenders before going to bed, and his name was there, or possibly because I have the gift of second sight. Which is why I'm mentioning it here. If Hummes gets the job, I'll be scouring the charity shops for a coat of many colours, and embarking on a whole new career on the back of this blog post.

But anyhoo, as I write this I'm back in Brighton. Lisa had the day off work yesterday, so we took advantage of the situation by driving down here and spending the afternoon in Next, where I helpfully encouraged Lisa to buy clothes, whilst simultaneously discovering that once she enters the changing rooms, I can spend 15 minutes in the computer game shop next door without being missed.

From there we went to a new food shop called Cook. It's like Bejams for posh people. All they sell is frozen ready meals, but they're prepared fresh each day and the name of the chef is on the packet. They only have branches in classy locations - Barnes, Maidenhead, Henley - so why they've opened one in Brighton, I've no idea. Probably because they know Jordan lives round the corner, and isn't likely to want to cook.

Anyway, I can announce that my beef goulash was quite nice. And a bargain at £3.50. Though once I'd bought the side dish of rice, and followed it off with a Kit-Kat, it wasn't quite the low cost meal I thought it was going to be. But for classy people like myself, it was a fiver well spent.

I'm off now to Shakeaway for a Ferrero Rocher milkshake.

No, really.