I've had a letter from the Advertising Standards Authority! It's from Daira Moynihan. Daira Moynihan is a Complaints Handler. Oh yes. She (he?) begins...



Concer? For a moment I thought it said cancer. I thought blimey, I know I made some pretty outrageous claims in that complaint, but did I really say the ad had given me cancer?? To be honest I probably did. I certainly used the word necrophilic a couple of times.

But anyhoo, Daira goes on to misspell the word 'advertisement', before telling me that they won't be taking any action because mine was the only complaint they've received, and they "do not feel that viewers in general will be offended by it". So it's just me then. Yes!!! I'd call that a successful attempt at busybodyness (busy-embodiment?). You can't call yourself a busybody unless you're in an offended minority of one.

Anyway, Daira finishes sympathetically with...



A reach? Well I reached for the stars, but I fell somewhat short of a complete ban. I'm quite pleased with the letter though. I'll be filing it next to my Princess Diana one.

Anyhoo, I shouldn't really be here. I have a week before I head off to my summer residence on the south coast, and today is officially the day I start writing my ten minute script for the BBC's Last Laugh competition. So talk amongst yourselves, but keep the noise down - I'm busy.